Real IELTS TEST Writing Sample Answer1_above 6.5
Hello guys!
One of my students, Mr. K wrote this answer and got 6.5.
You can get some ideas from her answer.
Just please look at the 4 criteria the examiners want to see in your writing.
This is the question.
In recent times, a great number of concerns mount over children falling into video games. A number of drawbacks appear regarding both children and the whole society and also there are several measures that could be taken, as this essay covers here.
First of all, it seems quite obvious that the young are so easily exposed to the addiction issue. Because most adolescents are vulnerable when it comes to the fact that their brain and psychological aspect of them keep developing so that they can defend themselves from any harmful addiction in the future. For example, almost 70% of Korean second school students use their own smartphone to play full-HD video games such as Fortnite or Call of Duty, which is notorious for addiction and even violent for children. In the end, they are gradually less focused on their own study although they are trying to concentrate on it. Moreover, they can mimic the violent behaviors in the games. In fact, GTA, a famous game for a criminal act, are denounced by so many experts because of the possibility of similar crimes that young people can easily commit.
However, there are also a slew of solutions that can help alleviate these issues and help the young control their game times. In advance, the educational aspect should be considered seriously from their homes. Parents are definitely the first instructors to guide their time managing skills especially diminishing their game time. They can be an initiative for their children as spending enough time reading, camping, or going on a picnic instead of with them. Moreover, a law or a policy should be made for children to stay safe about this game addiction, which can directly limit the total time when those under 14 are on the game or after midnight they must be logged out by game software systems. Many Asian countries including South Korea actually have a similar law so that they help their children stay healthy regarding this issue.
In conclusion, excessive gaming seems to be harmful to children in terms of the vulnerability of addiction and the increment of the possibility of committing crimes from the games they play. But these issues can be tackled by doing proper education consulting and other family activities, as the appropriate laws and governmental policies support them.
As you know, you should consider the four main criteria in the writing test. This answer is 6.5 because of those aspects:
1)Vocabulary
2)Grammar
3)Task Response
4)Coherence
How about your own answer? Does it include all the points? And you try to enhance them as much as you can?
I want you to write your own answer getting some ideas from this one.
See you again~
One of my students, Mr. K wrote this answer and got 6.5.
You can get some ideas from her answer.
Just please look at the 4 criteria the examiners want to see in your writing.
This is the question.
Many people today are worried about young children using video games. What problems might these games cause, for children and society as a whole? How could these problems be reduced?
<Real-life time Sample Answer>
In recent times, a great number of concerns mount over children falling into video games. A number of drawbacks appear regarding both children and the whole society and also there are several measures that could be taken, as this essay covers here.
First of all, it seems quite obvious that the young are so easily exposed to the addiction issue. Because most adolescents are vulnerable when it comes to the fact that their brain and psychological aspect of them keep developing so that they can defend themselves from any harmful addiction in the future. For example, almost 70% of Korean second school students use their own smartphone to play full-HD video games such as Fortnite or Call of Duty, which is notorious for addiction and even violent for children. In the end, they are gradually less focused on their own study although they are trying to concentrate on it. Moreover, they can mimic the violent behaviors in the games. In fact, GTA, a famous game for a criminal act, are denounced by so many experts because of the possibility of similar crimes that young people can easily commit.
However, there are also a slew of solutions that can help alleviate these issues and help the young control their game times. In advance, the educational aspect should be considered seriously from their homes. Parents are definitely the first instructors to guide their time managing skills especially diminishing their game time. They can be an initiative for their children as spending enough time reading, camping, or going on a picnic instead of with them. Moreover, a law or a policy should be made for children to stay safe about this game addiction, which can directly limit the total time when those under 14 are on the game or after midnight they must be logged out by game software systems. Many Asian countries including South Korea actually have a similar law so that they help their children stay healthy regarding this issue.
In conclusion, excessive gaming seems to be harmful to children in terms of the vulnerability of addiction and the increment of the possibility of committing crimes from the games they play. But these issues can be tackled by doing proper education consulting and other family activities, as the appropriate laws and governmental policies support them.
<Comments>
As you know, you should consider the four main criteria in the writing test. This answer is 6.5 because of those aspects:
1)Vocabulary
2)Grammar
3)Task Response
4)Coherence
How about your own answer? Does it include all the points? And you try to enhance them as much as you can?
I want you to write your own answer getting some ideas from this one.
See you again~
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